Sarah (sarahrc) wrote,

Lets get personal......

I got my car back today. Hoorah! The total for everything ended up at $500. Yikes. But it runs better than ever and I have never been so excited to have my car back.

Tonight was good. Saw RENT, I liked it...I even shed some tears.

I am deciding to share something from my "real journal" (actual writing with a pen on a piece of paper) and if any of you have questions about my latest entry this should sum it up.

It's been a while but it happened, I had an anxiety attack last night. A pretty bad one I might add. This one was kind of different, for the first time I wanted something that would calm me. Let it be alcohol or a drug of some sort...even a sleeping aid. I wanted it bad, because I didn't want to feel what I was feeling anymore. And then I started thinking "this is how people become alcholics and drug abusers, they can't handle their problems and cover them up with a temporary relief." Along with the same thought an even scarier thought came..."If I keep going like this I am going to end up like my mom (a alcoholic) or my dad (a drug abuser)." Neither of those paths I want to take. I know that I am a much better place in my life than my mom was at my age, but it's hard not to think about how some things would be easier if I just slid into the same self destructive path as her..... Needless to say I made it through without any extra help.

Wooo..getting personal there. Along with my regular journal I keep an journal of my anxiety. When I was seeing a counselor she said that it would help being able to keep track of what triggers them and how I deal with it. I've stopped seeing the counselor but continue the journal, because I think that it does help.

Blah blah it over yet? :)
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