November 4th, 2002

My eyes

Who Are You???

I am going to try and make this a long and pointless entry, because I know that you all have nothing else better to do.

I have had a lot of things on my mind. Mostly the people that I go to school with, and how shallow they all are, or can be. I hate it was people judge you by the cloths that you were. And then they always talk about how they would never do that. What a bunch of bull shit. Happens to me all the time. Just because I am changing my "style" this year, they think that I am changing personalities, so they won't give me the time of day anymore. I think back to just last year, and the people that I hung out with...we had good times yes. But this year is so different. They all are like "oh you can trust me"...I am thinking not. I don't trust any of them now, not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't. They have all done something to prove to me that I can't trust them.
Hanging out with sam, and someother people I have learned not to care so much about what other people think. Which has helped a lot. I critisize myself enough, I don't need it from others.
It just kind of hurts to know that people don't talk to me as much anymore...I think that there must be something wrong with me. God I hate highschool soo much. People are soo dumb. I can't wait till it is over. Everything has to be a race...who has the best cloths, hair, and makeup. WHo is the skinniest, the blondest hair. Who can sleep with the most people. Who can use the most people. How many other people can you hurt. People compete for the dumbest reasons. I hope that they all (myself included) look back years from now, and think, " wow I was really stupid, and I feel really bad for doing all the things that I did"....People are to quick to see what is on the outside rather then taking a look and seeing what that person is really like. I think that people would get a long soo much better if everyone did that. But the probability of everyone doing that is very very little.

Going to the couselor is helping a lot, I am finding that I am stronger person then I thought that I was. Knowing that things are better and still getting better is a comforting feeling, thanks for those of you, who tried to help in some way.


Sam to tell you the truth when you told me that, I was crying. I tried not too. ugh..

I think that this is the end of my rambling...
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