July 23rd, 2002

My eyes

*Sigh*

hmm well I got out of the house today and went to the lake. That was fun. I saw some friends there from school, that I have not seen since school got out.

I feel like shit, here it goes, that feeling again. I have little to no self-esteem. I think that a lot of the feelings that I am having, is because I am staying home a lot. I want to get out more. I know that people say that I am fine just the way that I am. But I don't feel fine at all. Changing is so hard and I want to really bad to maybe help me with the way that I am. But what if I go through everything to change and then not be happy. That would suck even more. I want to not care about what people think, but I do a lot. But I focus on all the bad things that people say to me and the way that they look at me. So when someone tells me something nice I feel like I can't believe them and so I don't really.

goodnight
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